


Words That Start With F

by NorthwesternInsanity



Category: Metallica, Music RPF
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Oh fudge, Swearing, young fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 19:26:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12042639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthwesternInsanity/pseuds/NorthwesternInsanity
Summary: Lars was already shaping up to be a potty mouth by early elementary school.





	Words That Start With F

**Author's Note:**

> On other sites -inspired by an actual happening years ago at school. Slightly AU, as on a realistic timeline, Lars would have still been in Denmark.

"Fock!"

A seven-year old Lars Ulrich very emphatically announced his displeasure at his pencil point breaking when he was trying to write out this annoying, new cursive writing. 

_Seriously, if print works, why do we have to replace it with this weird stuff? It's a pain!_

"Mr. Ulrich, if I hear you say that word one more time, you can explain to the principal why you have such a fascination with it."

_Gol ding it!_ Lars had hoped that his unique pronunciation of the forbidden four letter word due to his Danish accent would pass off as different enough to be acceptable. It wasn't. That might have been asking for too much, but he had still hoped.

One of Lars' peers, the one sitting behind him, leaned forward and gave his suggestion.

"Say 'fudge'. It's a well known substitution here, and it's usually accepted. It works to satisfy."

So, an hour later, when one of Lars' folders of his papers happened to flop off his desk and spill it's contents all over the floor and out of the order he had put it in with the threat of a grounding from his father if he didn't keep it neat, he put it to the test.

"Oh, fudge!" He slid out of his seat and squatted on the floor to pick up his worksheets before he forgot how at least what he could remember of them went in order.

The next thing he knew, he saw the hem of his teacher's skirt and the tips of her shoes in front of him.

Lars looked up and gulped.

Miss Holmes looked down at Lars.

"Lars Ulrich? Come with me. We are going into the hall to discuss your language."

"What, Danish? I have no problem speaking English too now..." Lars decided to unleash the power of the wit he held at a young age.

"Very funny, Mr. Ulrich. Cut the smart mouth before I consider making a call home."

Lars immediately put the wit away and shivered, following Miss Holmes into the hall.

"Lars, you've been a loose cannon today. You cannot swear like that whenever something doesn't go your way. It just is not acceptable. You know how the classroom rules work. Be responsible, be respectful, and be ready to accept the consequences if you're not. And since you're being disrespectful, if you're going to sit here and not listen when I tell you not to say things, you'd better be ready for a phone call home and a visit to the principal."

"But I said 'fudge'. That wasn't what you told me I couldn't say!" Lars argued. He was defending the fact that he hadn't done what he was explicitly told not to do. Unfortunately, his tendency to back-talk, and the fact that most of his teachers were frustrated with Lars' different perspective of things due to his Danish culture, resulting in a lot of teachers punishing him for things that other kids got away with.

"With your accent, Lars, fudge sounds too close to the real word. You know why I can't have you saying it besides school rules. It gets the rest of the class all excited and it's disruptive. Once they get going because somebody says such a thing, they're distracted, the situation gets boosted, and we waste time. There are ways to suggest your frustration without using vulgar words or words that are so close to it."

"If I can't say 'fudge', then what can I say?" demanded Lars, his tone challenging.

"Well, you can say 'bonkers', or 'shoot', or 'darn it', or-"

"I want words that start with _**'F'!!!"**_

And that was the sentence, whether it was the defiance, the suddenness of it, or the extra emphasis Lars had put on saying the letter "F", that wound up with him parked in the principal's office, again, and a note home to explain to Torben, how it was stupid, but apparently the name of a type of American dessert was too vulgar to be used as an expression of annoyance.

_"Then you can say 'fix', or you can say 'folly', but you can't say 'fudge', and you most certainly cannot say what it stands for!"_

So years later, whenever Lars uttered his infamous "Fock!" around his bandmates, inside his mind, he always thought...

_And fudge, Miss Holmes!_


End file.
